Decoding Relationship Orientations: From Monogamy to Polyamory, What’s Your Fit?

kaurcoachinggroup
Jul 20
2 min read

Beyond One-Size-Fits-All Love

Modern relationships aren’t monoliths—they’re mosaics.

What if the key to fulfillment isn’t just finding a partner, but discovering your kind of partnership?

Inspired by the work of Dr. Zhana Vrangalova, this post explores the spectrum of relationship orientations—and how tuning into your need for security and exploration can change everything.

Pillar 1: The 5 Core Relationship Orientations

Think of these like relationship "personalities"—each one with its own rhythm, risk, and reward.

Orientation	Key Traits	Best for those who...
Singledom	Solo expression, casual dating	Crave autonomy or self-discovery
Classic Monogamy	Excllusive emotional/sexual commitment	Prioritize depth, partnership, and predictability
Open Monogamy	Emotional exclusivity + sexual flexibility	Want security and freedom to explore
Polyamory	Multiple consensual loving relationships	Thrive on transparency and emotional complexity
Celibacy	Abstinence from romantic/sexual activity	Seek growth, healing, or spirituality solo

Subtypes to Know:

Hot monogamy: Sharing fantasies, no external action.
Hierarchical polyamory: Primary + secondary partners.
Solo polyamory: Autonomy while having multiple relationships.

Pillar 2: Your Two Core Drives

Every orientation balances two powerful inner needs:

Romantic Security Stability, trust, emotional safety, consistency.
Sexual/Emotional Exploration Novelty, freedom, creativity, desire for growth.

Ask yourself:

Do I crave more comfort or curiosity right now?
Has this balance shifted with age or life stage?

Your orientation can evolve—because you do.

Pillar 3: What Shapes Your Fit

No quiz can tell you your ideal relationship type—but these 5 factors often hold the answers:

Core Values Freedom? Fidelity? Transparency? Your values lay the foundation.
Partner Compatibility You may adore someone—but if your styles don’t align, friction follows.
Attachment Security High anxiety or avoidance may struggle with high-complexity dynamics like polyamory.
Capacity + Resources Do you want multiple relationships—or do you have the emotional/time bandwidth?
Current Life Season Early self-discovery vs. deep commitment vs. post-breakup pause—all are valid.

How to Explore Your Relationship Orientation

Step 1: Audit Your Needs

Grab a journal. Ask:

What fulfilled me in past relationships?
What drained me?
What felt aligned vs. performative?

Try the “3 Non-Negotiables” exercise: list what you must have in any partnership.

Step 2: Experiment—Intentionally

Curious about open monogamy? Start with fantasy-sharing or consensual sexting.
Interested in polyamory? Read The Ethical Slut or Polysecure. Join community forums before diving in.

Step 3: Communicate with Clarity

Here’s a starting script:

“I’ve been reflecting on the kind of relationship that feels right for me. Can we talk about what we each need around security and exploration?”

Final Thought: Love Isn’t Static—And Neither Are You

There’s no single “correct” way to love—only the one that aligns with your truth today.

The goal isn’t to get it perfect. It’s to stop running on autopilot—and start choosing with awareness.

Want to explore your relationship style with support?

At Kaur Coaching, we guide individuals and couples through the messy, beautiful process of designing the relationships that actually work for them—not just what society says they should want.